am still here…..
sort of.
Wow.
Saw this over at Derby Daves and it is AMAZING.
Watch for the dude on the right with his occasional pluck :)
The words are pretty spot on too..
Defending your kids.
Just last week I was having coffee with a friend who has 2 daughters. 2 of my boys are in the same class as her girls so through the constant school/class issues, I know her quite well. She asks me lots about these good awful puberty years seeing as Bee is a few years older and whilst I share our own experiences from our home we normally find the humour in it all and sympathise with each other on this journey of parenting.
Today she was emailing me how her husband was pissing her off as she had bought a red wagon to tote some gear and he had complained it wasn’t THE RIGHT type of red wagon – something soooo inconsequential but which was a huge arguing point for a good hour… I get it – not the wagon issue, but how something and nothing can blow up before you know it…….
Over coffee last week she had shared that another friend of ours had taken her son over to a pal’s house but on return the kid had told his mom that he didn’t want to go over there again as the pal’s brother had shown them a gun. A real handgun. Holy shit! Like the reports you read about in the papers – it is this type of scenario you read about where fatal accidents occur…a sibling messing around with the firearm etc. Of course the friend had never let the kid over to play again but is it right to question the firearm situation every time you let your kid go and play at someone’s house? Whilst you can’t ‘guess’ who would or would not have a gun in their house – it’s a question that would piss a lot of people off if you even asked it.
Another friend had been put on the spot when she dropped her child over at someone’s house in the summer and the other mom opened the door and there was a big whiff of marijuana coming from inside…. here you can get this legally for ‘ailments’ with a sympathetic Dr’s note – there are over a hundred shop fronts – openly displaying their prices here….. friend had told the mom that she was sorry she had a headache and needed to get high and eliminate the pain with a spliff first thing in the morning but she wouldn’t be leaving her kid there……
Just today Bee was saying another girl from school who moved to a different State, now goes to a school where there’s a metal detector at the entrance… looking for guns is the normal day routine for these 8th Graders (13 and 14 year olds).
It’s a scary old world out there and of course you want to protect your kids but shield them too much and they will of course come a cropper when they’re put out to experience the world alone.
Today I was able to go to the movies and saw a small budget film – apparently taken from the Screenplay of the same name….. really fascinating and similar subject….playground fight between two boys that gets a bit rough, one kid being injured and the parents meeting up to discuss what should be done to both boys to realise the seriousness of the consequences. A really good film that makes you think….and shows the different parenting styles hat whilst so similar in many respects, can soon blow out of all proportion….
If you get chance, go and see it…..
The Scottish Week.
I have had one of the busiest weeks of my life here…kids, school, basketball games, after school meetings, volunteering – you name it… it happened. Hubby was out of town most of the week and having said that I think the five of us (me and the kids) managed admirably. Spelling tests were aced (them) and laundry didn’t pile up to the ceiling (me) – which are always good indicators how things are going. (Ignoring the fact I had to get someone with metal cutters to free a broken lock on the gate, I lost my cool with a swim teacher and I only realised we were 5 tacos short once we were home and a good 15 minutes drive away from the drive through place – ah well).
However, it just occurred to me that in all my ‘interactions’ this week – a lot were related to Scotland. (There is irony here but I won’t even go there)…
So I spoke to my pal who now lives near Edinburgh. We were at school together and have kept in touch on and off over the years….She has lived up North for the last 8 years I think and talking to her I was amazed how Scottish she sounded…. (I have been here nearly 16 years and sound 99% English still). But she is now living with a Scottish bloke so maybe that has something to do with it. Anyhow she is a mere 30 days younger than me and is awaiting her surprise baby……which is quite funny seeing as she now works in a OBGYN capacity…..baby has not yet appeared (as of today)so she is being induced next week. Am wondering if babe will have a well ‘Scottish name’ seeing as she now lives up there with her Scottish bloke….
Then I also traded a few facebook chats with a very old Scottish friend….the one whose Glaswegian accent could always make me go weak at the knees…. and who again, ironically lives in my old neck of the woods (Yorkshire). Caught up with his life….why his engagement is now off and the aftermath of that. Also went down memory lane a tad (we were together at University) and once more it surprised me how two people can have such very different memories of the same period of time. He seems to have his life very sorted but has no kids as of yet… and in my mind, it would be such a catastrophe if he didn’t have kids of his own (his ex had a few)… you know how you know people who are just so bloody good with kids you just know they would make an excellent parent – well he is one of them. (And other folk you hear have had kids and you think ‘God help them…..).
Also via Facebook another blast from the past (and on the whole I hate the bloody thing…go through phases of being on it and then disconnecting for 6 months or so….) – another friend I was at school with and who was Scottish and was always ‘the Scottish kid’ at school even though he’d lived in England since being 5. Anyhow, he had a rough go of it with his first marriage and really had a shit deal (by his account) with his kids….and now he has found another chance and he’s just had twins with his new partner…. a boy and a girl and whilst they are still in hospital, they are doing well and are real beauties.
But it was just a coincidence with these completely separate Scottish ties.
And only one to do with the 4 years I spent up there at University…..
What’s next then come Monday…. what do we reckon? The German year? The Welsh connection? Bring it on.
Sins etc.
Despite my not being Catholic, our kids go to a small Catholic school here in Denver. They aren’t at the first such school we tried as that was too hard core for us and I say us, not just me because Hubby, despite being raised Catholic is not what I would call a convinced Catholic. In fact, if we were in uK I think he would be fine with them going to the local CofE school – but here, your regular free down the road school is not even allowed to mention God, religion, Easter or Christmas etc and that seemed a bit too non-religious to us.
Anyhow – our kids now go to a Catholic school which is quite liberal. Quite a few kids go who are not Catholic and the majority of teachers are parents themselves, some divorced and whilst Religion is taught it is not rammed down your throat ifyouknowwwhatimean.
However we now have a new Priest who is a little more hardcore. He is trying very hard to ‘connect’ bless him but he is not the laid back charismatic Priest of before and he’s finding it hard to ‘keep’ numbers up. He is also making a few changes…
Previously in 2nd Grade the kids make their ‘first Reconciliation’ ie their first confession. They used to do this during school hours and it was no big deal but now new Priest believes it should be a family event and wants it to be held at night. Tonight. Which would have been fine except Catholic Hubby is in Las Vegas….. so I had to go. Can I just state my case that I had already had to sit through Catholic mass today as Paddy was doing a reading…
I’m not sure any 8 year old should be made to think of their sins. But then, in a non-religious was, I expect him to be punished (naughty step, losing treats etc) when he misbehaves so he knows that his behaviour has consequence…Despite being a skeptic, the Priest tonight was really light hearted about the kids confessing their sins..no mention of hell and damnation at all, just more a wiping the slate clean with god sort of pitch. I actually felt ok with it.
However what was my innocent little Mac going to say?
Well tonight when we got in he put the TV on in the basement even though he hadn’t asked to (I don’t let tv on during the week much) and when Paddy asked him about it, Mac said that I had said it was ok. Blatant lie…. But he THEN said he’d needed a sin to confess you see and THAT is why hed said all that – knowing it was wrong. Because of course, being 8 years and 4 months old he has done nothing wrong otherwise. It was actually too funny to do anything about….
So we set off to school/church tonight and had the following conversation:
Mac: Mom, I only know one bad cuss word…
Me: Really? What’s that then?
Mac: It begins with B…
Me: Go on…
Mac: ‘bitchy!’ (whispered in DVV).
Me: Oh I see (trying not to laugh).
Mac: But I need to catch up with my friends…
Me: How so?
Mac: Well you know Amy?
Me: Yes…
Mac: Well, you know how she is really nice?
Me: Oh yes….
Mac: Well she knows EIGHT bad words and I need to catch up – so will you teach me?
Me: Erm, we’ll see….but maybe not tonight with church and everything …..
(I later told this to Amy’s mum who has a good sense of humour…. and she laughed. She also said it is not 8 year old Amy who knows the bad words but 5 year old Olivia (in the same class as Rory) who has learnt them all from Ava – also 5 – in the class. Apparently ‘f*ck is the favourite).
So we get to church and we’re filing in and the ‘religious director’ is telling us to do this activity sheets yada yada yada and it’s all quite laid back and then Mac whispers to me that Michael’s dad – sat in front of us – well, his dad, according to Michael, poops like a rhino. I don’t know if he meant what it looks like, how he’s doing it and come to think , I am not sure what rhino poop looks like any how…….
When it is time for their confessions their is cool Jamaican Priest who gives fist pumps, or the stricter older one… of course Mac wants fist pump Priest…. and there are boys sprinting in church to get to the confessional box. Unbelievable.
Anyhow, Mac gets there eventually after waiting his turn and he is in there literally 10 minutes. He comes out looking relieved and then says a little prayer and we’re off.
He tells me afterwards that it was fine and the Priest was laughing LAUGHING at some of his ‘sins.’ This would have made Mac think he had a full audience and no wonder he’ll have been in there 10 minutes. Highlights included (apparently) how Mac had once gone down the slide knowing full well that Rory was sat at the bottom and then he bashed into his butt and pretended he didn’t know he was there. Also how he had called Maggie in his class a chicken. I dread to think which others he shared about us. Maybe how he always says I have a plump bottom, or the year he told everyone I was turning 50 instead of 40…..
The blurry face of innocence.
Oh boy.
At the weekend we celebrated Rory’s 6th birthday.
We went to the movies to see this:-
I thought it would be more ‘zoo’ based rather than the story behind WHY the family bought the zoo. And being PG I didn’t think it would contain ‘bullshit’, ‘shit’ etc so much. I could hear the little 5 and 6 year olds wince when the words were said. I heard myself think, “Oh FUCK!”. Oh and some of the kids’ parents stayed to watch the movie too and see me squirm. Anyhow – it’s a good movie and Matt damon is, as always, quite gorgeous.
This morning on the drive to school, Rory was telling Mac about the movie and what had happened. How the mom had died and left the kids with their dad.
At one stage in the movie there are flashbacks to life when the mom was still alive.
Rory: “But then she wasn’t really dead at all – she came back and was dancing with the kids but not the animals at the zoo. So they had moved and everything for nothing. She was born again. And I think the whole time the dad was just kidding.”
Not sure this is quite the flashback scene the studios were aiming for but I loved the innocence of it all…..
Not always.
Sometimes people seem to tweet phrases – not necessarily their view, but I always think that if they are tweeting it, they must surely believe it to a certain extent, no?
So when I read this the other day, it didn’t really sit well with me:-
“Always show respect to single parents because they are the parent who stayed.”
Hmmm.
It’s 2012 and I know quite a few single parents. Admittedly very few of them are single ‘by choice’ but they all have tremendously different circumstances. I am not sure it is as simple as saying that just because ‘you got to keep the kids in a divorce’ that you therefore ‘stayed.’ You could well have been EQUALLY to blame for the split – and could have made life intolerable for the spouse….so much so that you’d have committed murder staying in the home REGARDLESS of how you felt/feel about your kids..
It is not the 1950s/1960s where it was perhaps more common for miserable couples to stay together for the sake of the kids. How many kids grew up with squabbling parents who made the family home a minefield….who put children off the idea of marriage for life? Who stayed together so that the neighbours wouldn’t think anything was ‘wrong’…. That is JUST as damaging to the kids – if not more so.
In my kids’ classes at school there are several parents who have split up and who now SHARE CUSTODY of the kids. Kids ‘seem’ to adapt to it quite well (although I recall from teaching how some wiser kids would use the 2 household routine as a constant excuse as to why they had ‘forgotten’ their homework). In these cases of course it is not that one parent has stayed – it is that both have moved on and hey are trying to both be equally involved with their kids’ lives.
Long ago (as in 20+ years ago)I knew a couple where the woman started an affair whilst her younger child was in diapers. She concealed it very well and life went on although she was very absent emotionally and mentally in her marriage. This had a knock on effect – the husband was miserable. He was the best father…. a far better parent than the mother…..but eventually he found someone else and decided to leave the marriage which was dead…..was he wrong? Perhaps. But because of the mother’s choices, he was unable to stay in such a relationship and so he left. Of course, she kept her affair very hush hush and so he was portrayed as the home wrecker – who moved out and saw less of his kids. So was she the better single parent in the end? When she continued the affair, introduced new bloke to her young kids and told them daddy was mean for taking their microwave and sofa when the household items were dissolved in the court split?
Sometimes the ‘staying’ is more harmful than the going. No-one says parenting is easy ever…..and of course a stable relationship can help with the burden of parenting BUT it can also be another cause of resentment between a couple. Especially after a baby comes on the scene and everyone is knackered….you can become vessels of contempt….. ‘How can you possibly be tired when I did all the night feeds?’ or ‘At least you get to escape to work and go to the loo in peace.’ If you have kids and you never even thought along these lines then I’ll send you a medal in the mail…..
But that the best parent gets custody is not always the case. Circumstances, financial constraints and child care can still sway a court’s decision in who a child should live with. There are always two sides to a story but even with social workers’ recommendations a court does not always get it right. Not ALL single parents are loving and nurturing bringing up a child…. and that is why the phrase didn’t sit well with me.
To stay or not to stay…. it is never that easy.
I know a single mom whose affair broke her marriage. Who then had custody of her kids and dated relentlessly until she found ‘Mr Right.’ Sure she can no longer be classed as a ‘single mom’ (she’s remarried) in the same way as the dad is still single. But she has prime custody of the kids. She and new husband have decided to move to the other end of the country. Not for work or job requirement but because she fancies it. Dad here is fighting the move in the courts but single dad vs ‘a family unit’ – albeit with a non biological dad….. well I feel for the kids but I feel they are messed up already and it will only get worse no matter which way the judge rules.
Single parenting – I can’t imagine. I admire them yes, but the reasons behind it….well you never can know unless you’ve been there and with the hundreds of scenarios involved breakups then you just can’t make a call as simple as that and sum it up in such a phrase.
(and once again ‘There but for the grace of God……’).
There are however so many single mums and bloggers that I admire no end. Not sure any of the splits were their choice per se – but yes, they have gotten over (in many cases) their broken hearts and have made the best of it for their kids and in most cases have put aside their hatred of the ex husbands as they know it’s for the good of their kids…..
There is no good way to ‘do’ a split. Some people see it coming and even try for a baby to make a go of things… these don’t work out so well it seems. But as easy as saying one is right or the one leaving is always the wrong ‘un…not sure it is ALWAYS as simple as that.
Prize prats.
I *think* I am a pretty easy-going person. I am definitely a ‘people person.’ Put me in a room full of strangers and 9 times out of 10 I can make conversation. From my few meetings with ‘bloggers’ – even though we may never have previously met in real life, I think we’ve got on really well -I can click with most people.
Having said all that, I can be very judgemental and it is something I am ‘working on’ in 2012 (and not doing the best with so far). I’m not sure I always judge a character 100% but there again, who does?
There will always be folk you meet who end up disappointing you in life but THAT’S OK. You don’t have to like everyone all of the time. And usually I can give the benefit of the doubt to people. It takes a long time before I ‘write people off.’
HOWEVER, there are occasions when you meet people or reconnect with people and within minutes there is so much about them you think ‘PRIZE PRAT.’ As in ‘God, I couldn’t STAND to be around this person for long.’ Perhaps it is their mannerisms, perhaps it is their annoying stock phrases or maybe just their inflated ego and their know it all outlook on life. Maybe you *know* the type of person I mean. And normally that is fine….because apart from a Spouse or close family, you probably don’t have to stomach these people too often. And let’s be right – with a spouse – well you don’t USUALLY marry a Prize Prat, do you? And you often PITY those who do (unless they are equally as bad – then they just deserve each other).
Did I say I am working on not being too judgemental?
I love the phrase ‘prize prat.’ You can imagine them all stood there…on a podium at a school carnival…with their sashes on proclaiming how they all rank in the domain of prat-ness. I can even see the faces of some of them, and without being too sexist, I have to say, when I conjure up this image – they are *mainly men.* (sorry).
I love a good man as much as the next person….and I am not saying that only men can be part of the prize prat club, but in my imagination, my podium is made up of a fair few men. Who would probably get on quite well with each other in their competitive inflated ego (and probably small penis) showboating.
I wonder if any of my boys may one day stand on some woman’s imaginary prize prat podium. I hope not. I hope I am showing them that sensitivity and compassion are requirements in life. And that sometimes, saying nothing can be a far better choice than a meaningless bunch of words. That actions can indeed speak louder than words. But that promises should MEAN something…and from a thought to an utterance needs to be a carefully evaluated process.
Is it just me or can you also put up a prize prat mugshot or two if you close your eyes? I guess the female equivalent would be…..what? Two-faced bitches? Women you wouldn’t trust as far as you could throw them?
Answers on a postcard please…. Code names only. You know the score.
24 hours of tweets.
Twitter makes me curious…..I don’t follow THAT many people and I don’t ‘accept’ many folk following me unless I think they are ‘safe’. Some days I tweet a lot, other days I am silent. Someone commented on my tweets being interesting today… or perhaps they were being sarcastic (?) – but I thought I would give my tweets of last 24 hours-ish. Well they all came during one 24 hour period (including sleep time). Some were Direct messages….others in answer to other tweets therefore they may make no sense at all but anyhow….here goes..
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Who with?
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Sat in car for school car pool. Snow on ground but sunny and 67 degrees. Trying to stay awake though…
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lol. Doesn’t it suck when you go to bed alone AND wake up alone too?
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omg our tweets crossed. It depends who you wake up withm if you eat French cheese are you more likely to wake up with Frenchman?
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god – sorry to hear that. All you need right now i bet. thinking of you. xxx
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It is snowing, probably because i didn’t get my snow tires put on on Monday as their shop was too busy. Grr. Will be a slow drive to school.
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I feel like I am walking like a pensioner in the snow so I don’t go arse over tit outside the school gates.
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Now sat in Starbucks with a venti hot chocolate and watching other folk slip outside.
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Am also trying to tell myself that my stylish boots have not leaked and so my toes are not wet and cold.
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Omg – some old businessman just asked man in a wheelchair if he had his snowtires on!
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I am sort of hoping tactless man here falls on his arse when he leaves…
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It is a very cold day to have to get your kit off in the Drs office. I hope their heating is on!
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Watching an newly pregnant couple in the waiting room trying to get to grips with their health insurance co-pays. Not good.
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Not the best sign!
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omg I had heard such good things about that book!
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Still slipping and sliding!
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fuck loads of tears at therapist and can’t dfind sunglasses for scxhool run.
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Have put snow on puffy eyes to look semi calm at school pick up so I don’t scare little kids! Real cold snow works well it seems! Who knew!?
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please google a cartoon drawing of ‘bug chocolate plea sex.’ I am intrigued.
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Just been on the phone with my Doctor. Amongst other things talking about trials for Viagra for women! Again – who knew?
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what is OKGo? Should I know this? I live a very sheltered life you know!!
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“Why have you put so many icicles on the car mom?” Asks 5 year old!
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what does it stand for? I will watch OBEM tonight btw!
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OKGo!!
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What drives you crazy?
Ohhhh… so may things…. in fact, let me list a few…
1. People who use the last of something and put the empty box back on the shelf.
2. Selfish drivers. This happens so much over here – you let someone out and there is no thank you gesture at all.
3. People jumping red lights. If the arrow to turn left is red it does not mean try and just go. Almost all traffic lights here have this happening and very few have cameras to catch the culprits. It drives me nuts.
4. Rude kids whose parents don’t reprimand them about their behaviour.
5. American spelling….if it is through school I make sure I spell things the American way. Otherwise I realiSe that I will spell check things for UK English (especially CHEQUE).
6. People who call from UK and always ask me what time it is here.
7. Sweaty feet.
8. People who short people on tips. If in doubt, overtip.
9. Not putting all the clocks back/forwards as soon as there is a time change.
10. People working in shops/serving whilst chewing gum.
11. Stores overusing plastic bags for shopping.
12. Saying you will call/email and not following through.
13. People at the gym who don’t wipe down machines after using them.
14. Paying late fees on library books.
15. Printers never working here at home when you need them to.
Of course there are more serious ones like racism, homophobic people, stress cadet parents – but I was more thinking on a daily irk level rather than things I would march about in the city…..
Any irks to share? Or is it ‘just me’ as per normal?
