Dire x 2.

I lurve going to the movies. I have mentioned this before perhaps….. that in England I hardly ever went to the cinema to see films and yet here it is so much more a way of life….like going to the hairdressers for a trim rather than a ‘treat.’ If you go during the day it is cheaper than a Starbucks (GNFNWPHCAOHFDP). Anyhow – I go to the movies often and usually alone as it’s not a place to chat and I am so anal focused on the movie (mainly) that I don’t want people slurping drinks of scoffing popcorn sat next to me. Uptight much? Moi?

(The fact that here there are always people shaking their liquid free, ice remaining beverage cups….and scratching the last kernels of pop corn from the paper bag… that’s a whole other post in itself).

Anyhow – the other week I was taking Bee and a friend of hers (who is a boy but not her boyfriend) to the movies to see the film with Drew Barrymore about the whales. I quite fancied seeing it myself and as I was their ride there and back I thought I could sneak in and watch too..sitting well away from them and pretending I didn’t know them. But it was FROWNED UPON. So I ended up having to go and see the only other movie showing that worked within the time frame….’ The Grey’ with Liam Neeson…. who I normally like. It wasn’t the worst film ever but it wasn’t my cup of tea at all. A plane crash in a very cold climate with a group of men trying to find their way to safety… whilst being attacked (and eaten) by a wild pack of wolves. Also not one to watch when you are eating a Kebab (I imagine). Not sure you will see it on any Oscar nomination sheet unless there is an award for best wolf acting.

It also scared the living daylights out of me on Friday when we got home from school, Mac was bleeding and I rushed him into the downstairs loo leaving the garage door open and the door into the house open. Somehow, 2 while looking huskies (ie could have been wolves in my dim mind) got in…no collars, looking around at us and I thought it was going to be a gory scene all over again… no idea where they came from and they left pawprints – otherwise I would REALLY have thought I was losing it……

Then today, I had to drive right to the other side of the city to drop Paddy off at a 3 hour birthday party. Not only was it 40 minutes away but it was ‘a tad’ bit complicated (just call me Mrs illegal U-turn) and I didn’t want to drive all the way back as I was picking up. Anyhow, a HUGE movie theater (24 screens) was very close to the boy’s house so I went expecting to be able to find SOMETHING good to watch. It was between 2 films and the girl on the ticket booth recommended one. Bitch. Or she was just having a laugh. Or she likes crap movies. This was almost as bad as ‘The Cable Guy’ many moons ago. Anyone remember that shite?

At first I thought it was all a parody. Then I thought it was just terrible. I was shocked to see Katherine Heigl was down as executive producer – ie she used her OWN money on this? Wow.

In fact the highlight of the afternoon occurred BEFORE the film itself when I went to get a drink (no ice – so the noise wont bug anyone beforeyouask) and I was served by a hunk of a man young man called ‘Storm.’ At least that it what it said on his name tag….

You know me…..
Me: I must ask you… are you really called Storm?
Storm: Yes maam, I am!
Me: I don;t think I have EVER met anyone called Storm before…
Storm: Me neither, but I have met a girl called Stormy…
Me: Mmm. (Thinking ‘I bet you have… was there a pole?’)… Were you, erm, born in a storm then?
Storm: No but my dad is a huge Steven Segal fan….
Me: riiiiiight…. (Thinking WTF?)
Storm: And so his favorite movie had Steven Segal playing a character called Mason Storm and my mom didn’t like the name ‘Mason’ so they called me Storm!
Me: Aaargh. I see! Wow, that’s amazing. (Thinking something else)…..

As I was early to the movie I was texting dear dear Jen the exciting news that I had just met someone called Storm. SHE told me in reply that in the north, ‘gash’ can mean ‘vagina.’

WHO KNEW???????